Melancholic Thoughts



I am so far away from my family and friends and most of the time, it gets to me. Contacting my family is no problem for me since I know I'm almost obligated to call once, if not twice a week. But my friends, now that's a different story. I'm forbidden (for lack of a better word) to call them. Sheesh. Stupid rule. Of course, when in need, you have to find a way. Whenever they're... oops, just remembered, my cousin and sister know the URL of my blog. Better not post it then. It might be the last thing I post if ever they find out. Anyway I asked my tita if she could buy me a PC microphone. Good thing she did. At least now I could hear my friends' voices. I just hope they have one too.

--------

I miss my friends badly. I wonder if they miss me too. Sometimes I get the feeling they don't. I have this friend who's as close to me as my sister. Yet I feel she's taking me for granted. I gave her my number, my e-mail address, even my blog. But not a word. Called her a few times too. "Heeey kumusta ka na? Miss na kitaaaaa! yada... yada.. yada... I will call you back ok?" Haven't heard from her ever since. It's really hard to find a friend.

--------

People here have so much confidence in me. They believe that I can make it. Problem is I don't share their sentiments. Not one shred of confidence I possess right now. And it's hard that way because you don't know what will happen next. You're in this ditch you've dug for yourself and you don't know how to get out. You know deep inside that it's you who holds the shovel in getting yourself out of that hole. I just hope I can get that shovel before it's too late.

------

There are a few things I cherish the most in my life. Some things I cherish so much that my parents don't understand it. And sometimes I don't too. I just came to that realization a few days after a certain incident happened. I figured why would I attend to him so much? And almost immediately I got the answer: because I love being with him. I'm a different person when I'm with him. In a good way, that is. I'm in a totally different world. I can never do wrong when I'm with him. Do you think it's obsession? I think so too. But one's thing for sure... I can never go on without him.


The one who makes you laugh is the one who makes you cry...