(c) 2004 Reuters

The deaths caused by the destructive tidal wave has reached 118,000. This is far too unbelievable to be happening, even in my wildest dreams. I watched the news relentlessly for the past days and everytime I see the waves crashing in on anything that is on its way, I can't help but break down and cry. Cry for those we have lost. Cry for those of us who are lucky enough to be alive. Cry for those who are so near the area and yet, by the grace of God, has remained unscathed. How do you start mourning for the loss of over a hundred thousand lives? How do we start anew? I feel guilty for being alive. It doesn't even seem or feel right to do anything else when the world is suffering so.

I hope our school has some donation/relief programs going on when school starts. Donating via web is impossible for me since I don't have a credit or a debit card. I hope I can still help...


Note: Click on the picture. It will lead you to a photoessay of the devastation left by the tidal wave. As for me, I don't have the courage to click it.

1. What did you do in 2004 that you'd never done before?
* Injections/catheterizations/watch a delivery (both normal and cesarean)

2. Did you keep your new years' resolutions, and will you make more for next year?
* No New Year's resolutions for me ever; only goals

3. Did anyone close to you give birth?
* Uhm don't think so

4. Did anyone close to you die?
* Nope

5. What countries did you visit?
* Wala huhu! But I plan on going to other states next year wheee!

6. What would you like to have in 2005 that you lacked in 2004?
* my family! more friends! more blessings (hehe)!

7. What date from 2004 will remain etched upon your memory, and why?
* October 8 - LOTR Symphony; October 17 -- Sean Astin signing; December 7 -- Alan Lee signing

8. What was your biggest achievement of the year?
* getting enough A's on my report card

9. What was your biggest failure?
* when I didn't get an A

10. Did you suffer illness or injury?
* just colds

11. What was the best thing you bought?
* the ROTK Gift Set!

12. Whose behavior merited celebration?
* Susan Roces

13. Whose behavior made you appalled and depressed?
* Gloria Macapagal-Arroyo

14. Where did most of your money go?
* DVDs

15. What did you get really, really, really excited about?
* watching the LOTR symphony, meeting Sean Astin and Alan Lee

16. What song will always remind you of 2004?
* "Into the West" by Annie Lennox

17. Compared to this time last year, are you:
i. happier or sadder? happier
ii. thinner or fatter? pretty much the same
iii. richer or poorer? poorer definitely (but richer in friends)

18. What do you wish you'd done more of?
* take risks, enroll in subjects not included in the curriculum (ie take a language course)

19. What do you wish you'd done less of?
* be judgmental

20. How will you be spending Christmas?
* with my relatives

22. Did you fall in love in 2004?
* no

23. How many one-night stands?
* none

24. What was your favorite TV program?
* The Apprentice

25. Do you hate anyone now that you didn't hate this time last year?
* well we're not on speaking terms but I don't hate him

26. What was the best book(s) you read?
* The Perks of Being a Wallflower by Stephen Chbosky, Diary by Chuck Palahniuk, She's Come Undone by Wally Lamb, Einstein's Dreams by Alan Lightman, Life of Pi by Yann Martel, Griffin and Sabine series by Nick Bantock, 1602 by Neil Gaiman

27. What was your greatest musical discovery?
* Vienna Teng

28. What did you want and got?
* ROTK gift set

30. What was your favorite film of this year?
* Hero

31. What did you do on your birthday, and how old were you?
* dinner with my relatives; I turned 24

32. What one thing would have made your year immeasurably more satisfying?
* if I had learned Spanish

33. How would you describe your personal fashion concept in 2004?
* same old, same old

34. What kept you sane?
* going to the mall and watching movies, borrowing books from the public library, LOTR events

35. Which celebrity/public figure did you fancy the most?
* Michael Vartan, Jonathan Bennett

36. What political issue stirred you the most?
* Philippine elections last May/US elections last November

37. Who did you miss?
my family and friends

38. Who was the best new person you met?
my classmates

39. Tell us a valuable life lesson you learned in 2004:
* Not taking anything or anyone for granted

40. Quote a song lyric that sums up your year:
* No regrets / they don't work / No regrets / they only hurt

My Helm's Deep environment arrived yesterday. Yey! I'm going to save up for Edoras and the Mines of Moria environments, and hopefully, Minas Morgul as well. On another [LOTR] note, I'm still not done with the ROTK EE DVDs. I can't bear to watch the last disc. I don't want to say goodbye to one of the most amazing movies of all time. It has been a wondrous journey ever since I opened the cover of the Hobbit and travelled to Middle-earth. To watch the last disc of the ROTK EE, I fear, would be unbearable for my part so yeah, I think I'll postpone watching it and leave it at that. Insane, I know.



The Christmas madness is finally over. Thank God. I don't think I can handle any more of the craziness. Don't get me wrong. The meaning of Christmas is not lost on me. It's just that I was hoping for a simpler celebration. Sometimes, I think, I kind of dislike Christmas because of the commercialization and hype of the whole shebang. Then again, as soon as my family migrates here, I have plans of spending our first Christmas together with all the works, from a giant, real Christmas pine tree to Christmas lights and dinner to loads of presents. Hehe.



Just when I thought 2004 is fairly disaster-free, tragedy struck. As of this day, the deaths caused by the tidal wave that hit Southeast Asia has risen to more than 56,000. From the archives of CNN.com, I read that the recent earthquake, a magnitude 9.0, was one of the most powerful since 1899 and the the largest in 40 years. According to reports, the said earthquake "shifted huge geological plates beneath the sea northwest of Sumatra island, causing a massive and sudden displacement of millions on tons of water." It is unfortunate that the people were not warned of the tsunami since it is predictable, unlike an earthquake. [more at CNN.com] Haay, hirap na nga ang buhay sa Asya, madadagdagan pa.

Can't contact my family in the Philippines, Christmas songs in FM station 103.5, Christmas specials in TV, hmmm... it must be Christmas then. In that case,

It's 4 days 'til Christmas. With winter just around the corner, Christmas lights on almost every house, and sales going on left and right, there's no way you can't feel it's Christmas. However, it stopped being Christmas for me years ago. I used to look forward to this particular holiday when I was a kid -- eagerly waiting for my mom's cue to open the presents under the tree or take the treats in the stockings, carolling during December nights, or even the exchanging of gifts among my classmates, or monito-monita. But somewhere along the path to adulthood, I kind of lost interest in the whole hullabaloo -- it all seems extravagant and contrived. Ah well never mind. A chance for families and friends to get together, have fun, and forget past mistakes must be a good thing right? Too bad I'll be spending Christmas without my family again. :(

At long last we're on winter break! I'm looking forward to our Christmas break since my reading list has grown quite long during the semester. Have to read all the books and watch the DVDs I borrowed from the public library, not to mention the ROTK EE DVDs I bought last week. Heehee.

Tomorrow is going to be the longest day of my life, not to mention the most anticipated and the most nerve-wracking. Well, for one, tomorrow is finals-slash-hell day and I have 3 exams all waiting for me -- a lecture and a lab final in Microbiology and a final in OB. Reminds me of our school days when we had all our final exams lined up in one day. I didn't know what to do then -- whether to study all night (and morning), willing my brain to absorb all materials, or to rest, thinking about the doom that awaits me. Well guess what? Nothing has changed... I still don't know what to do. Anyway these exams are farthest from my mind right now (although they shouldn't be for obvious reasons). Rather I'm most preoccupied with the release of something special. Still don't know what that is? Ok fine, a clue then -- it's the release of the Return of the King Extended Edition DVD! Happy happy joy joy!

I have.

Honestly, I didn't know how I got talked into it. Well actually, it was mandatory to watch a cesarean delivery so yeah, I guess I didn't have a choice. Come to think of it, if I did have a choice, I would probably agree to watch a C-section. I mean, I'm not going to have another chance to observe a cesarean delivery anytime soon -- might as well grab the opportunity and get it over with. (BTW, the red humongous thing in the picture? That's the uterus. Amazing huh?)

It was quite an experience observing how a CS is done. After prepping up the patient on the operating table and the tools and necessary equipment, the OB doctor sliced (ngeek parang hamon) the lower abdomen, took out the uterus, sliced it up, yanked the fetus-now-neonate, took out the placenta, manually explored the uterus, and sewed it up (and the abdomen) again. (Sorry if it's not medically accurate but that's the best I can do to describe what I saw from a layman's point of view.) I felt a little bit dizzy (walang halong biro) throughout the procedure especially when I saw the uterus (and the blood) coming out. No wonder the husband didn't stay long -- couldn't bear to see his wife being sliced open. Anyway, overall, it was an uncomplicated delivery. The baby is healthy (I gave him a bath too!) without any abnormalities or medical complications. The whole procedure lasted about 15 minutes although sometimes, according to the charge nurse, the CS procedure could take up to an hour. Yikes.

Motherhood is not for me. I've suspected that for quite awhile. I know I don't have the patience of looking after kids -- running around checking their diapers if they're dry and comfortable, picking up their toys strewn all over the floor, or making sure they're not putting anything harmful to their mouths. I still feel impatient when I have to check my cousins' homeworks, even if they're of school age, when they don't require that much attention compared to a newborn or toddler. Nope, motherhood is not for me.

And I even confirmed it last week when I saw a normal vaginal delivery at the hospital of which I'm having an OB rotation. Took a lot of courage (and deep breaths) in my part not to flee and faint... Nope pregnancy and motherhood are definitely not for me.

But after a short span of time in the nursery, while holding and bottle-feeding an infant the other day, I'm having second thoughts. It was such a thrill cradling the newborn in my right arm while holding a bottle to his mouth, encouraging him to suck. I felt sorry for him 'cause he can't latch on to his mother's breasts. He'd gag and eventually stop looking for the source of nourishment, causing both the mom and the nurse's concern. Since the nurse was swamped with work, I volunteered to bottle-feed the baby. I might say, it was one of the most intimate moments I've had with a human being... and I want more. Skip the pregnancy. I want a baby!