I went to the mall today. At last. Guess what I bought?! The Lord of the Rings music sheet, the Harry Potter music sheet, and the Tolkien Ensemble latest CD, At Dawn in Rivendell. Yay ang sayaaa!!

hail healer
by blackevening


she stood before me in white
as a ray of hope in the night
with healing hands she bore
eases my body ridden with sore

i feel life enter anew
and my breath was never before
i thought that night was forever
and she gave me morning thereafter

though time pass
and changes of the four seasons
the scars that marked my frail body
still fresh and longing

for her healing hands
that lay lifeless before us..
we wishes more than ever
for her life to bear longer

And with these tears of respect
Conforms a sadness
For anyone who's ever lost
One who's dearest, and the love of a friend.


-- a poem made by a friend for my aunt

The funeral is finally over. Now we can all sleep. The services were not that bad. It's more subdued and serene than the ones I witnessed in the Philippines. Here the wake is just a day or two (a rented room costs around $400-$500) -- barely enough to accommodate all the people the deceased person once knew. My uncle rented three rooms for two days and there were a lot of people paying their last respects. //I'm actually surprised that many came considering my aunt's attitude. Oh well, never mind that.// It's a bit frustrating when a lot of people visit the wake/funeral when what we should all be doing is visiting those people we love when they're still alive. Hindi naman malalaman nung namatay kung dinalaw mo sya sa libing nya eh di ba?!?!?! Eh ano ngayon kung present ka during the wake and the funeral when what she needed is your visit nung nabubuhay pa sya?!?!? La lang. Kakainis eh. Kala mo kung sinong namatayan. Paiyak-iyak pa daw kunwari, plastic naman. Hmph. Oh well, dibale, at least they went to the funeral. What more can I ask? Besides, who am I to complain or even to judge them? If not for my mom and Tita M, I wouldn't have stayed over at my (deceased) aunt's house. Then again, at least I did it -- I took care of my aunt for about 2 weeks -- kahit pilit, I did it. And that's the difference.

It's actually my first time to witness a funeral first-hand. Well, not really first-hand since I wasn't the one who died. What I mean is, it's my first time to actually take part in the funeral preparations (although I didn't do that much). Ang hirap pala. The funeral must be probably one of the most stressful events one has to go through. Andyan yung calling up the deceased person's friends/co-workers, finding a good funeral home, scheduling the wake and the funeral, ordering food for the guests and even finding time to cry and grieve.

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Me: Hey can you help me figure this tripod thing so I can get started on the videocam?
Cousin (from NY): It's easy. Oh I forgot, you're from the Philippines.
Me (thinking): Kainis!! Between the two of us, who's the college grad ha?! Who has the initiative to learn things as much as one can? You're a freaking Graphic Design student and you don't even know the software Paint Shop Pro?? You're field is in computers and yet I freaking know more about computers than you do!! I bet I can make better graphics than you do!!!


I really hate it when people undermine Filipinos. Ano kala nyo sa amin bobo?!? FYI, Filipinos are intelligent. We just lack stimuli and a good environment where we can enhance our creativity. Other than that, I know we can do things as good as those people who undermine us, if not better.

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I was downloading the Matrix trailer for about 3 hours already (modem connection, that's why). I was more than halfway through when I got cut off. Download frustration!!! Aaaaarggghh!

In death, I believe there's room only for forgiveness. For my Tita S, I finally had the strength to forgive you. Be at peace.

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I bought some kikay thingies from my cousin (Avon) last week and I got them just now. It's funny -- they seem alien to me. I wonder if I bought them just for the heck of it, just so I can say "Yes I have an eyeliner/lipliner/mascara." Tried it awhile ago and my cousin laughed at the outcome. Hehe.

My cousin: Hey Ate L--, do you think you'll get married someday?
Me (joking): I don't think so.
My cousin: I thought so. I don't think you're getting married ever.
Me:


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I've been window shopping for sometime now about a palmtop. However, I don't really know what to look for or what I want. But I saw this link in a friend's blog and I followed it. This is what I saw:



Uber coolness!! So ganda! Good thing is it's just $299. Well it's a bit much for a student like me but still it's ok compared to the other palmtops I saw, ranging from $399 to $499. Ouch! Some of the cool features are a built-in camera, a RealOne mobile player (for mp3s), Audible player (for ebooks), and a Kinoma player producer (for videos). Definitely worth a drool!

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The wake for Tita S will be on Thursday and Friday and the funeral will be on Saturday. This week we were going over some of the preparations for the funeral and wow! I didn't know there's a LOT of things to do! I'm so tired.

Our lesson for today in the CNA course was about Body Mechanics and Exercises for the Residents. Finally I was able to practice my expertise (naks!). Actually I almost took over our instructor (hehe!). What can I do? She doesn't really know any of the lessons today as much as I do -- transferring patients, range of motion, types of joints, human anatomy. I just hope she doesn't think of me as a snob or something. I miss being a PT. *sigh*

Freaked Out


I really didn't want to write this down today. It'll really freak me out since it's night here. On the other hand, I want to blog it now -- I might be offline for a while because of the funeral preparations. Plus, I might forget about it. Anyway, here's the thing. I think my (deceased) aunt visited me the other day right here in Tita M's house. Nope, I'm not kidding. Don't ask me if I'm sure because I wouldn't know what to say. I just know that I didn't do it. Nobody in the house did it. Ok before I totally freak out, here's what happened. In the basement, we have this entertainment center. On the right column, we put the DVD player on the topmost shelf, the VHS player in the middle shelf, and the karaoke in the lower shelf. Now last Friday, I was assigned to clean the house. One of the first things I did was to dust the appliance. As I was cleaning the VHS player (take note: it's in the middle shelf), the slot of the DVD player suddenly opened! Yes, I was near the darn thing but I swear I didn't touch it! I was cleaning the blasted VHS player!!! And to think the DVD suddenly opened!! No one was in the basement except for me -- my cousins and aunt were upstairs, lola was in the basement, and I was totally alone that time! I didn't know what to do. I was like this for about 5 seconds. But funny thing was I honestly didn't get scared. I was actually amused since I wanted to experience something like this, and now it finally happened. Haha. Anyway I didn't do anything after that. I just informed my aunt about it -- and now I'm the butt of ghost jokes in our family. BTW, it all occurred to us, after this happened, that Tita S was actually borrowing our DVDs before she passed away. Uber freakyyy!

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I'm soooo tired, after all those running around for the padasal thing for Tita S, and for 5 straight days!! I'd better go to sleep now.. Hohum!

My aunt died yesterday at around 5:00 in the morning. We were kinda expecting it, that she won't last that long, but still, we were surprised that it happened quickly. When I first heard the news, I felt guilty...for thinking (and writing) bad things about her, for not taking care of her during her last days, for not bearing with her. Sometimes I blame myself. I know I shouldn't but still, I think about it occasionally. But I think I did everything that I could for her. That should be enough, I guess.

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I'm enjoying my CNA class. I love hanging out with my classmates. There are 10 of us taking the course: 5 Filipinos, 2 Indians, 2 Polish, and 1 Moroccan. Even though there's a language barrier (most of my non-Filipino classmates have difficulty speaking/understanding English), we still get along. Plus, I asked my Moroccan classmate to each me some Arabic phrases. They're mostly tongue twisters but I love the phrases! I'll probably post it tomorrow.

Random Thoughts


I've been in a downloading spree these past few days and awhile ago I downloaded my ultimate all-time favorite song, "How Deep is Your Love." I love Kazaa!

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I prayed for days (to anyone who'll hear me) to guide me on whatever should I do. Actually it's more like a "Bahala ka na" prayer -- that whatever is best for me then I'll do that or go that way. Then this news came: I was accepted at Oakton's Nursing Program. To tell you the truth, I didn't know what to do or how to react -- should I or . I know part of me is jumping for joy. It's not easy getting into the program. We have to rush my exams and the other requirements so I could meet the deadline for the program. I aced the tests, I submitted all the needed files, I prayed. But on the other hand, I feel so sad because I know this means that I will really be staying here for 2 years at least.

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First day in CNA class. I got bored... most of the time. We toured the whole nursing care center. Probably the climax for me was when we got to the Physical Therapy department. I smiled when I saw the parallel bars and the weights and the gait belts and the treadmills and the...

I'm starting my CNA course tomorrow. It's mandatory that we finish this before I start the Nursing course in August. It will run for about 6 weeks, from April 15 to May 23. Yaiks! I think this CNA thing is a blessing in disguise though. This means I won't be staying at my other aunt during weekdays. I'd probably come over on Fridays and Saturdays. That sched I can handle, but a week with her, no way man! Yes I survived the past week when I stayed and took care of her but that doesn't mean I was totally unscathed. I need a looong break, believe me. But not that long. She'd be dead by then. Oopsie, you must think I'm uncompassionate to write so bluntly. Don't worry. Hanggang blog lang naman to eh.

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One of my classmates (college) emailed me just now. I don't know if I'm going to reply. Probably not. I'm severing my ties with them. I don't want to have anything to do with them. Not now at least.


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X-MEN 2 naaa!! This I gotta see! After this, I'm looking forward to Matrix 2.

audblog audio post

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHH!

(yeah i think that sums it up... my feelings for the past week or so. will someone take pity on me and stop this horror!!?!!)

I saw this link in TORN and oh my it's certainly worth a look!! Gotta have me some LOTR swords!! Ayayay! I want the Glamdring and the Witchking's, even Hadhafang. Problem is no moolah plus one sword costs around $200. Definitely ouch.

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By next week, there'll be some minor changes with my sched. I don't honestly know if I'm looking forward to it.

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It's spring and yet we're experiencing snow today. Weird.

Been a bad and lazy bloggist lately. But what can I do? I was with my other aunt for the past days and it wasn't what you call a bed-of-roses kinda atmosphere. Quite the opposite really... well most of the time. And now I'm staying for the week again. Siyeeet. Hay ayoko na ha!

Haven't called my mom yet. I think one month has passed since I last called her. Wasn't in the mood to talk to her. She wrote me a letter and it wasn't a bit uplifting. Annoying perhaps. I know I'm being impossible but I don't have any inclination to talk to her... not this week though. But I probably will. Tomorrow maybe. I kinda miss my sister and brother. I almost forgot that tomorrow's my brother's graduation day. Yay! Congrats bro! Time sure flies. He'll be in college soon. My sister, on the other hand, is in Romblon for her on-the-job-training. O di ba bongga!! I'll probably call her when I'm in my other aunt's house. That way, the call will be billed to my aunt. Me bad! Hehe! She more than deserves it, you know. Ooops. Ah well, I'm not at all guilty for harboring such thoughts. I've had worse. I don't think I can write it all down here though. Let's just say it will make your skin crawl. Nah, just kidding. She's still my aunt, however bad things may get. Besides, I think her suffering as a cancer patient will more than suffice as her punishment for all the things she did and said. Hehe! Ooops kidding!! You've probably deduced by now that she's not an easy person to live with. Or that I'm just a bitch. Well you're definitely right in both accounts. Hehe! Ah never mind. I'm probably bitter that I'll be offline for another week and it's just killing me, unable to blog and post and email. Life sucks.