loryces online

Friday, July 9

Daddy

That's what I call my father... Daddy. I miss saying that name and I miss my dad. I wonder how's he doing right now. You know, I never knew much about my dad. What I know is I love him so much that I'm willing to forgive him for not being there for us. He's a good man, my dad. We're always on his mind, I know and feel that. He provides for our needs and wants. But sometimes I feel he's distancing himself from us intentionally. For years, we would be lucky if we could see him once a year (he's a seaman, you see). After his contract, he'll stay for a month or two. However, if he stayed more than that, he'll start to drink and get hot-tempered. He'll look for a job then and once he has one, he's off to Japan or Paris for months and sometimes, years. Our only communication was, and still is, through phone. How much can you say in one phone call anyway? Not much. We would patiently wait our turn to talk to him and for how long? Just a measly 2 minutes. But I treasure those 10-minute phonecalls. Why wouldn't I? It's our only connection to him, whether we like it or not.

I wonder what it would be like to have a father who's both physically and emotionally present? I wish that... so much. I don't know if it's too late for us -- my mom, my sister, my brother, me and my dad. I want us to talk, to cry, to laugh over trivial things, to bond. I want to spend some time with my dad. I've waited all my life for that, and still waiting.

Now that I think about it, I might have gotten my stay-distant-or-you'll-get-hurt attitude from my dad. *snicker*

LORYCES @ 4:32 PM | COMMENTS

3 comment(s)

3 comment(s):

At 8:23 PM, Unknown commented...: you know what? you're right. it's great to have a father in the family who is always present. i should know, i have one. i'm grateful for that too. but you also know what? we're BOTH lucky. why? because we both still have fathers who love us, whether physically present or not. :)
At 10:12 PM, bibeduck commented...: when i say "i know how you feel", i mean it--my father's a seaman, too (and i call him "daddy" as well)! kakauwi lang nya this mid-june and i'm cherishing every moment that i spend with him.

i hope you also see your dad again very soon. :-)
At 4:53 AM, Anonymous commented...: before the mess that is our life now, my dad was there all the time, ever-loving, ever-caring. it's a little dificult thinking back to those times now, when things are so bleak.

--rej
http://sunshinysarcasm.blurty.com